post-christmas

i haven't been writing enough lately. but when am i ever?

christmas 2012 in two words: bacon ham.

C decorating for the holiday was the cutest thing ever. our home is covered in greenery, candles, and sparkly things.

strange to hear people moving about in the apartment

the dining room suddenly became a center for gathering and conversation

wine, godspell, and apples to apples

waking up early enough to see the snow that fell for about an hour...technically a white christmas!

giving a few very well-received gifts...a privilege i appreciate more and more as i get older

the relief of having our home back to myself and my partner...we love my family, especially in small doses. privacy is a blessing. (curious to see how my opinions change as we grow out of the "newlywed" phase)

looking forward to the new year...2013 is going to be big!

moment:

i caught my reflection in a store window this evening looking exactly as i think i should.

that almost never happens.

home[sick]ness

you don't know how much you will miss it until it's gone-
like a bad breakup:
you can't stay, but you're not sure you want to leave.

you will forget just how important it was
that the streetlamps dotting the hills looked like stars in the city glare;
you will remember the crossing lines of bridge cable above your head,
the graffiti under overpasses,
and the grate that made you confront the river.

you would never guess how much your ears seek out a few words,
a twisted sound, a turn of phrase,
the gravelly laugh of a place where they're born with smoke in their lungs. 
 

pre-election thoughts, 2012

i am legitimately anxious about this election. never have i felt so strongly that my entire life depends on the outcome of one day.

i'm sick of watching candidates attack each other on television instead of talking about what they'll do better. the few positive ads get swallowed up in all the negative noise.


i feel every day like my freedom as a woman and a queer person is being threatened, like it is at risk of being taken away. it goes far beyond the usual pro-life-vs-pro-choice argument. not only is my right to decide whether to have an abortion being threatened, but so is my right to decide whether to use birth control--for reproductive or other medical purposes. my freedom to choose who i marry is literally being put up for a vote by my neighbors. my freedom of education is being threatened by politicians who want to reduce student loans and to cut funding to schools. my right to control my own body is being actively threatened by politicians who believe that rape can be an act of God.

Senators and Congressmen, if your God is a god who will rape women so that more children can be conceived, then you should be looking for another god. 

i am disgusted that there are so many Americans who believe they can justify voting for these threats to our rights, freedoms, and basic safety because "the economy's bad." i will not apologize for believing that money should never become more important than living human beings. 

everybody celebrates differently.

co-worker this morning: "K in a skirt!!"
me: "it is Halloween..."

Brattle Sq, October 24

last night i walked into a Tibetan Freedom rally in Brattle Square
i heard him singing from a half-mile away,
ten minutes
that voice and that throaty roar in the microphone drew me in

eye contact
woman with bowed head and american flag
young man dancing waving the flag of tibet
this throat-singer chanting words in a language my body had learned,
years before,
lifetimes before.

before life, when words
meant no meaning had been exchanged,
but where the vibrations of the earth and the trees and the human throat
were all expressions of the divine in the universe.

i loved it then and i love it now,
i listen for meaning above words.
i am trapped in the words of my body,
my limited shell attempting to capture the likeness of the invisible divine
so far removed from me that i could not hope to ever achieve it.
i escaped my freedom.

purgatory is life.

we know we have suffered here, in this lifetime
we know we have earned no suffering

i stood there transfixed,
brought in by the call to prayer.
i responded in a language i did not understand.
stop. pray. breathe. stand.

tears of fear and pain and sorrow built behind my eyes.
i could not say why. i heard
the truth of his suffering.

it got bad enough that he was here, instead of there.

i began, after standing for some minutes
feeling on the verge of tears and held in deep respect,
to nod my head in agreement
and laugh.

there is joy, there is hope, there is compassion
and we will still be here, somewhere.

Tibet is not a part of China.

Femme-butch dynamics in football fandom

all my favorite players are receivers; all his are defenders.

update:

on that biological clock: ticking has stopped. alarm now ringing loudly. trying desperately to locate snooze button.

conundrum:

the worst (?) thing about depression is that when you hit the point where you're too depressed to do anything, the only solution is to get off your ass and do things.

on neighbours

today i was reminded to pay attention to my neighbors. the people in closest proximity to me, who are experiencing the same things as i am on a moment-to-moment basis. today my neighbors included:

-the non-heteronormative appearing Black woman who sat across from me on the T and made faces at a toddler whose mama was more interested in her phone than in her child.

-Dave, the working-class man with a strong Boston accent (which neighborhood, i could still not tell you) who struck up a conversation with me at the trolley stop by asking about my hair (buzzed again, surprise!) and proceeded to carry a conversation with me for at least 45 minutes until i got off the train. he was super friendly and really interesting to listen to and connect with. he has a daughter about my age. and he told me he'll give me a copy of his demo cd the next time we see each other.

 -the two young Asian women who said "excuse me" while i was talking with a friend on a street corner and asked me to take their picture...how do you say no to that? 

-the Latino family taking wedding pictures...the bride and the little girl were both in elaborate dresses. the flower girl looked like she was thoroughly enjoying poofing her big skirt.

-the employees at the liquor store and the chain burrito place where we stopped on the way home. who looked me in the eyes, and who didn't.

-the boy (college-aged?) who thanked me as he moved past me to get out of the crowded train, and the way i thanked him for making it so convenient for me to sit down. (lessons in femme courtesy only ever happen naturally and by accident.)

-the gaggle of irish students staying in boston for a 7-week term, especially the girl sitting on the end of the row with her bright red hair who sang, "i cannot wait to go back to ireland!" the others asked her why, and she told them she misses her good friends and her good family and a gestural expression of frustration with people from here that i would do a disservice by describing. i asked her how long she's staying here, and she told me five more weeks. she asked me where i'm from. i only thought about it for a moment before saying, "pittsburgh." she repeated it, "pittsburgh," with an unmistakably knowing nod. "do you like it here?"



"not as much as i liked it there."
"so are you often making long trips?"
"not often enough."
"ah, because of like work stuff?"
"yeah, stuff like that."

as i got off the train i made sure to tell them to have fun and enjoy their stay. there's so much cool stuff to explore.

superstition

i lit my candles tonight like a good Catholic girl should. let's hope prayers go somewhere.

Trans* inmates should not receive SRS until we all can.

Federal judge rules state must provide sex reassignment surgery for Michelle Kosilek, who was convicted as a man of murdering his wife (Boston.com)

i support the right of transgender people to medically alter their bodies. i support the right of prisoners to obtain necessary and appropriate medical care. however, i am disgusted by Judge Mark Wolf's ruling that the Massachusetts Department of Corrections must provide sex reassignment surgery for an inmate who is serving a life sentence for the murder of her wife.

the judge ruled that preventing Michelle Lynn Kosilek from undergoing this surgery constitutes "cruel and unusual punishment." i beg to differ. countless transgender people who have never murdered anyone are denied this life-saving medical treatment every day. is that cruel? yes, but it is hardly unusual. gender confirmation surgery can cost upwards of $20,000 and is covered by no major medical insurance plan that i am aware of. some corporations do cover various gender-related surgical procedures for their employees, and some insurance plans cover hormone therapy and other related treatments. it is unconscionable to me that we do not make such treatments accessible to all innocent transgender citizens, but taxpayers are forced to fund them for criminals.

i do believe that transgender inmates should be treated with respect and dignity, and that prisoners generally should receive medical care. house trans* inmates in facilities that correspond with their identities. give prisoners flu vaccines, insulin, and pain relief. i would even feel comfortable funding hormone therapy for trans* prisoners.  but there is absolutely no reason why convicted criminals should receive, free of charge, medical treatment that is denied to the general public. that extends far beyond trans*-related medical care: while there are children dying on transplant wait lists, why has any criminal ever received an organ transplant?

refer to Ms Kosilek by her preferred name and pronouns. house her in a women's prison. give her a private cell and washroom if it's necessary to keep her (or other inmates) safe. but while innocent American citizens who pay for their own healthcare--or work three jobs and still can't afford more than Medicaid--are living without access to this potentially life-saving medical treatment, do not provide this convicted murderer with a sex change operation, at the expense of everyone but herself.

highlights from the walk i just took

walking through where Vietnam collides with Latin America, the urban Black community, and old Irish names

statues of Mary and Joseph with flowers laid at their feet

dot2dot cafe has an open mic the last friday of every month, and they might be a good place to eat breakfast

gas costs about 30 cents less in dorchester than it does in brookline

why are white people so unfriendly?

julie andrews constantly playing outside the strip mall, met by a reggae cover of "when i'm 64" by the beatles inside the liquor store, where the cashiers are probably never going to stop addressing me as "young lady"

i love triple deckers

this morning's saturday drive through the "bad part of town" with the top down was also educational. catholics build the biggest churches. crowning moment: reading the huge "START THE PEACE" sign in the corner park, and a police car blazes through the intersection, all sirens and blue lights.

moment:

i saw two Black lesbians cross the street holding hands in my new neighborhood today, and it made me feel better about everything.

coming clean

i can't believe i ever let you silence me.

i can't believe i gave up my opportunity to tell you everything i had to say in front of everyone who should have heard it. i wonder if anyone interpreted my silence to mean you had won.

the fact of the matter is, that night solidified more than any other that your hate and your vitriol and your passive-aggression, simply, are not and never were worth my time. your words to me did not even deserve a response. even in my moment of potential vindication, if only i could speak sharply enough, you were not worth the effort and the frustration.

would have been nice if either one of us could have de-escalated it from that point. i tried. i stopped trying when you made it clear that you were never going to look me in the eye again, or respond to anything i said. i don't doubt you know just how many nights you brushed past me and i was looking straight into your face--you wouldn't even acknowledge me.

your loss, really. 

advice for young travelers

move to an unfamiliar city. 

get lost and then get found. 

experience as many things as you possibly can. 

be cautious, but don't be afraid. 

look people in the eye. 

always walk tall. 

have fun.

on language evolution:

as recently as 10-15 years ago, i was taught that "disrespect" was a noun, but not a verb. you could not disrespect someone, but you could show disrespect to someone. even so, everybody used "disrespect" as a verb--"yo, why you disrespectin' me?"--and now, "disrespect" is widely accepted as a verb, and hardly ever used as a noun. i just think it's interesting that i can measure syntactic change in my native language in such a short period of time.

assorted frustrations

it's about time for another installation of "things i'm too frustrated to post to facebook about."


1) chik-fil-a. i've gotten into more than one conversation over on fb about this nonsense already. basically, if you give money to an organization that is known to give money to hate groups, you are giving money to hate groups. i don't understand how people can justify their patronage of organizations like this, especially by saying "the minimum wage workers in their restaurants will feel the heat faster than the COO." that may be true, but if they had $11 million to give to hate groups, i'm sure they're not sharing all of their money with their minimum wage employees anyway.


2) gun control. i've seen a few posts in the wake of the Colorado movie theater shooting suggesting that if more people owned guns, things like this wouldn't happen. that's just about the stupidest, most illogical thing i've ever heard. maybe if our gun control laws were stricter, a single civilian wouldn't be able to amass dozens of ASSAULT RIFLES. you don't go hunting with an assault rifle. you don't protect your family with an assault rifle. you use it to kill a larger number of people, very quickly. there is no reason anyone should have one of those. i'll make a possible exception for those in the military who are being actively shot at by others with assault rifles. but really, i just don't think guns should be a thing, and it saddens me to live in a world where they already are and there's nothing anyone can do about it.


i also don't buy the argument that if we outlaw guns, the only people who will have guns are criminals. that statement is necessarily true, which makes it a stupid argument. the fact is that guns are not outlawed, and criminals have much easier access to guns than they would if guns were outlawed. then they cry Second Amendment, without remembering that the Bill of Rights was authored at a time when there was no organized military in the U.S., and it fell on individual citizens to arm themselves and then show up when called to shoot at Indians, the British, wild animals encroaching on their farms, etc. the Second Amendment is obsolete, because we have an established military to defend civilians. see my comments above.



3) rental agents in my neighborhood. i live in a section of Boston that is primarily populated by immigrants/speakers of languages other than English and college students. there's some overlap there, too. as a result, landlords and the people who work for them expect that they can treat everyone like shit and no one will try to do anything about it. they also, as a general rule, don't show their own apartments. they hire brokers to show available units for them, and then usually (unless you wait until the last minute like we did, and like the person who will rent our apartment in september is apparently going to do) they make the tenant pay something called a "broker fee" which is essentially a finder's fee/commission for the brokers.

i am fucking sick of disrespectful brokers trying to force their way into my home. i am more familiar with the law as it pertains to non-tenants entering an apartment than most of them seem to be, and i know that the law requires "reasonable notice" before landlords or their agents enter a unit, and that although the law does not specify, court cases have established that reasonable notice is generally between 24-48 hours. i just expect everyone to follow the rules, which is difficult when so many rental agencies advertise that they accept walk-ins, and then think that leaving a voicemail while i am at work and my partner is sleeping because he works the night shift saying that they want to give me a "heads up" that they're showing my apartment within the hour  counts as "reasonable notice." NO! i should not have to explain the details of our personal life to each and every stranger who thinks they have the right to enter my home, and i don't think it's a stretch to assume that someone who works for a living might not be able to answer their phone/check messages at any given moment during the day.



*sigh* 4 days until we move....there will still be a month left on our current lease at that point, and i'm seriously considering posting friendly notes throughout the apartment about the awful experience we've had here.

moment:

"keep smilin'. it looks good on you."
-neighbor on the stoop

note:

i've already filled a third of the notebook i bought a month and a half ago. this is a good sign.

moment:

nothing delights me in quite the same way as filling the crevices of your ex's dining room table with flour and sugar.

poet's tongue

i want to hear your poet voice again

not your patience
not your acceptance
not your quiet reassurance that the world is beautiful

i want to hear your anger
your frustration
your fear and your shame;

i want to hear the passion you reserve for justice.
i can see it in your writing and i can feel it in your soul
i want to hear that unleashed
i want your spit in the mike and your hair in your face
i want you to forget that others are watching

i feel i may have missed that stage
or at least arrived late;
i want to know that someone, somewhere has heard that voice
that they have taken something of it with them
that that has been released to the world to make change
somewhere.

ripples don't always have to start with pebbles.
sometimes they start with boulders.

(sometimes, when they need to be big enough
they are even begun by earthquakes.)

observation:

if one song has changed meaning more than any other since meeting my fiancé, it is "maps" by the yeah yeah yeahs.

thought:

sometimes i think i would like to see video of myself walking, from behind. i'm curious how i would interpret my own gender.

on healing

last week, i bought my first journal with lined pages in almost 2 years. i have written every day that i've had time by myself. much of it has been unadulterated scrawl that has gone on for pages. or, exactly what i needed. the unlined escape from chronology was a worthwhile experiment, and a lesson i'll be able to apply to future projects. but sometimes, i just need to put the date at the top of the page and write my thoughts down in order, no matter how incoherent. we need to move before we visit my parents again, so i can bring back all my old journals and make them an appropriate home. suggestions welcome. C offered to donate his cedar chest to the cause; i don't know if i could ever accept such a gift. but they could never be better protected.

thoughts on Boston Pride

underwhelming and overexpensive.
tons of people, but no family.
the biggest rainbow flag i've ever seen.
a general lack of mostly-naked dancing boys.

non-gay-appearing profiteers trying to sell rainbow accessories at exorbitant prices. $5 for a flag? i'm sorry, you don't sell rainbow flags at pride. you give them away.

ALL the politicians had a contingent. and they all showed up in person. Mayor Menino led the parade (behind the Dykes on Bikes--none of whose signs said "Dykes on Bikes." they all had much more politically correct and less interesting club names.) Elizabeth Warren waved at us specifically! i wish i could have figured out what she said. i'm very excited to vote for her in November.

many, many queer families with children and/or dogs.
straight observers. confused Asian tourists.
PFLAGers and free-huggers.
more UU congregations than i've ever seen in a single metropolitan area.

the moment after i saw one sign that said "I <3 TRANS PEOPLE" when i noticed the sea of identical signs a few paces behind it. looked at C and both our hearts melted.

a friend described the scene overall as "less outlandish" than Pittsburgh Pride. the theory is that since being queer generally is much more widely accepted in Boston, it's less necessary to go out of the way to make a statement.

neighbors

in Allston, i am on nodding terms with all the men i see sitting on stoops in the afternoon. we are beginning to move into speaking terms, entire sentences exchanged: "i like your haircut! could be better though."

"how are you today?"
"good, 'nyuhself?"

i never used to appreciate the "how are you" ritual, and i still don't in a lot of circumstances. i don't believe that words are worth exchanging without meaning. if you don't care how someone is that day, why would you ask? but now, it means something to me that these older black and latino men--these men who recognize the worth of words enough to withhold them--recognize me, a tiny white woman with a shaved head, enough to ask and to answer.

one saw me walking to the beer store on memorial day weekend, and we exchanged smiles and glances. then he saw me walking back from the beer store, with a 12-pack under one arm and a black plastic bag in the other, and he called out, "now i know why you're so happy!"
i smiled back and told him, "it's gonna be a good weekend!"
and it was.

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Using the Sidewalk

1) Stay to the right whenever possible--just like driving.
2) If you are walking faster than someone in front of you, it is ok to pass them on the left, as long as it's safe--just like driving!
3) If you are walking in a group, it's ok to walk next to each other, but leave room for others to get by. If you see someone(s) approaching from the opposite direction, fall into single file.
4) Maintain awareness of who is around you. That includes people behind you who may want to pass you.
5) If you are riding a bicycle, it belongs in the street. If you are not comfortable riding your bike in the street, leave it at home.
6) If you are responsible for children, keep them close to you and teach them these rules.
7) Avoid sudden stops whenever possible.
8) Only text while walking if you can keep your eyes forward, your pace constant, and your path straight.
9) Nobody is capable of meeting the criteria for #8.

question:

can i be a femme of the old school without ever having attended the old school?

on late blooming

a friend described herself last night as "a late-blooming introvert," with which i identified completely. i have only recently come to this understanding of myself as an introvert and embracing of the label. it's not that i don't like people, or that i want to be by myself all the time; it's that i find my strongest energy within myself, not in others.

for a very long time, i tried to behave like an extrovert, because i felt that was what was expected of me. apparently, i learned to play the role well. but even when i mustered up the most out-goingness--or, more realistically, built close enough connections with people that i felt comfortable being my authentic self with them--i have always needed to return to myself to re-center. i have to be comfortable with myself before i can spend the energy on social interactions.

i'm going through a pretty extended process of re-centering right now. i spend a lot of time by myself, and sometimes i feel kind of funny about that. but i appreciate the opportunity to get to know myself and adjust to what my life has become (and is becoming).

i suspect that a lot of introverts feel a lot of guilt about being introverts, and try to take to heart all the lessons we're taught about the need to be outgoing and make friends and (shudder) network. i want to build my own personal network at my own pace and take the time to get to know people. i'm shy, and i want to be reached out to before i introduce myself. sometimes that takes time. it doesn't mean i don't want to do it, it just means that it's hard for me, so i want to be able to choose when and how i approach people.

it takes time to recognize and understand your own thought processes, habits, and ways of relating to the world. i think that introverts are uniquely prepared to relate to other people, because they are more likely to know how they relate to themselves. these kinds of lessons are valuable.

i highly recommend Susan Cain's TED talk "the power of introverts." if you need to feel empowered by your introversion/shyness/need for solitude, watching this is a good way to do it.
http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html
(thank you B =) )

Meyers-Briggs

we got into a discussion about personality types at work yesterday. when i outed myself as an I, my coworker responded, "you're an I?? no way, i definitely thought you were an E."

i said "thank you, i put a lot of work into appearing that way."

what does it mean that my perception of myself is so different from how others perceive me?

hypothesis:

"wife" as a derogatory term, unless it is accepted by the person to whom it is applied and mutually defined by both partners.

lesson:

i finally decided to let good things happen.

the inevitable key change

my very first bass guitar is about to find a home with somebody else. i just opened the case for the first time in a couple of years and got hit full in the face with high school. yes, i think it's time for that to stop happening.

it's still a beautiful bass, though. and i still love it as much as i did the first time i held it in my hands. it's weird to think that there are very important people in my life now who have never known that part of me, who never will know that part of me.

i was a pretty bitchin' bass player, on occasion.

request:

before you try to tell me that my concept of marriage is flawed, let me tell you about the way he reaches out for me in his sleep.

full circle

"everlong" just meant something brand new all over again.

on long goodbyes

Fact: all the non-skinny girl jeans i wear are hand-me-downs (stolen) from transmen.

i probably ought to buy a pair of pants that are mine. i just hate shopping for pants. pants-shopping in this country has been designed to make women hate themselves. measure in inches and stop changing what my size means!

-------------
every day should be a good day. if you're not having a good day, you should ask yourself, "why not?" and then see what you can do to change it.
-------------

i am having a longer than usual series of very good days. (oh no, has my inner drama queen been sated? heavens forfend!)

i finished the last step with the IRB to close my Pitt undergrad thesis research. that seems like a longer time ago than it was.

your past is your past, and it is always going to be your past. you may not find closure, because closure may not be real. closure is very rare, at best.

i feel the need to contend with specific parts of my past, because i feel that i'm about to begin a substantially different chapter in my life. part of the hard lesson i'm learning is that sometimes, the way to deal with your past is to let it remain your past--and not to keep bringing it back into your present.

this blog chronicles almost my entire time in pittsburgh. if i happen to close it soon, or ever, please know that it wasn't because i don't love anyone still reading it or because i don't want to remember that time. rest assured i will still be reading it as my own history.

we are all by which we have been touched.

discovery:

there are no short-haired wedding dress models.

newsflash:

i'm getting married.

commence long series of self-realizations and tangential thought processes.

second impressions

they can't be first impressions, because those were all formed over the summer and in september when i first arrived, when my life was immeasurably different than it is now (funny how quickly that can happen). i spent my first three months in Boston in complete and total unemployment, and it took me four months to start my full-time job. those kinds of impressions are different than the ones that are made when you settle into a routine.

this is something i had heard about bigger-city living, and i'm glad i'm getting the opportunity to experience it: i don't feel like i live in the city of Boston as much as i feel like i live in my neighborhood. my entire life--groceries, laundry, work, home, odds & ends--can be accomplished within walking distance. there's something to be said about that kind of insularity, something i didn't expect to find here.

it's kind of a cool feeling. i don't know my neighbors, per se, but there are familiar characters. it occurs to me that i might be a familiar character to some of them by now. i have a preference for the convenience store on my corner over the one on the next block. i'm friendly with the employees at the two closest beer stores. all of this takes place within a few blocks of the same street.

i like this part of living in a city, at least for right now.

grief

i keep seeing this girl who wears your leather bomber jacket
it makes me think of the way your hair smelled when it started pouring down rain in the park
i smile, because the memory is beautiful
even if the moment was impermanent--
all beautiful things are.

the bittersweetness arrives in the question:
am i missing someone who isn't anymore?
or am i missing someone who never was?

The Pro-Child, Pro-Choice Manifesto

I value reproductive justice in large part because parenthood will never come easily for me. It can't happen by accident. I value children, and I do not take the opportunity to raise them for granted (in fact, I resent that there are people who have that luxury). It seems unfair to them, to the children themselves, that so many people who desperately want them can't raise them, and so many who have neither the resources nor the inclination to do so are faced with raising them.

Reproductive justice means more than abortion. It means the right to choose how, whether, and when you raise a family. It means better lives for children. It means parents who are more prepared. It means not just the ability to say no, I will not have a child, regardless of how I express my adult relationships. It also means the freedom to say yes, I want to provide a loving home for a child, to foster them into independent adulthood.

Reproductive justice is about repairing the world. It means creating better homes and stronger families. It means children who believe that they are gifts rather than burdens. It means having the choice to begin and sustain a healthy pregnancy, to prevent pregnancy, to terminate a pregnancy, to avoid and treat life-threatening conditions, to raise a child, to know one's partner thoroughly before embarking on the shared adventure that is parenthood, or to know oneself thoroughly before embarking on it alone. Reproductive justice is the creation of a world where everyone is loved, by others and by self. Reproductive justice is a world in which education precludes abortion--abortion, which is an indignity not just for the child, but for the mother. Reproductive justice is dignity. It is the empowerment of women and the education of men. It is the equalization of heteros and homos, single and married, parent and childless, cis and trans. Reproductive justice is justice.

revelation:

sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for someone is to destroy them completely.

mix tape x: MOVING

going through old posts, including one on which B made a request that i post my EPIC playlist from the road trip this summer, i realized i never did! here are the songs that are on my iPod under the playlist name MOVING:

1) "Boston" - Augustana
2) "All I Want" - Joni Mitchell
3) "Times Like These (Acoustic)" - Foo Fighters
4) "Home" - Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros
5) "No Rain" - Blind Melon (which is obligatory on any mixtape of significance i've made since 2003)
6) "The Weight of Lies" - The Avett Brothers
7) "What I Got" - Sublime
8) "Don't Stop" - unknown artist, discovered on a mix cd per chance ;)
9) "Come On Get Higher" - likewise
10) "Porch Songs" - Chris Pureka
11) "The Boys of Summer" - The Ataris
12) "Yoü and I" - Lady Gaga

confession:

i've been reluctant to post here lately because i dread YeamieWaffles's comments and ignoring him hasn't made them go away.

realisation:

i have been the ungracious recipient of unconditional love on more occasions than i am only beginning to become aware.

reminder:

i told someone else at the bar last week that even when you know someone is bad for you, ending a relationship is hard, "but the hardest thing you have to do is absolutely nothing." right in the middle of re-learning just how true that is.