25 April 2010

17 April 2010

scattered thoughts

i need to find a dvd copy of the movie The Point.
i want to drive for hours but i don't want to pay any tolls and i want to end up somewhere. i want a moon roof. and good music.
i am learning about and understanding Trust in ways i never have before, and in ways i didn't know i could.
i want to have a long conversation with my father, over drinks and vinyl records and other things.
my therapist suggested to me that maybe procrastination and time-management aren't mutually exclusive, and that maybe the fact that i've done well so far is in fact a sign that i know exactly how much time i have to procrastinate. i don't want to agree, but it kind of makes sense.
i need a cleansing period.
i need to see the ocean.
i like that there have been so many earthquakes lately and i'm excited to see what happens with this icelandic volcano.
i want to go to the grocery store and the exchange.
i'm not scared of parallel parking anymore.
i need to find the job that will make getting up at 6:00 on a Saturday easy, like my brother apparently has.
i am proud of my brother. never doubt that.
i want to see her again this weekend, but if i don't get the chance, sitting on her lap for a couple hours at the bar and talking to other people will have been enough.
i want to travel.
i want to travel.
i want to travel.
i am looking for a new place to live after pittsburgh. i love it here, but there is too much time left and too much left to see.
Pittsburgh will always feel like home, in all the most important ways. that conversation was too important to transcribe.
i want to be somewhere i can walk across bridges at 1AM with no concern for my safety, and have my breath taken away by a beautiful, familiar view.

the lesson for this week:
i deserve to have what i want, as long as i know how to ask for it.

10 April 2010

on [paternalistic misogynistic] censorship

*sigh* i'm reluctant to admit i'm a feminist because if i did it full-time it would be exhausting and terribly, terribly frustrating.

guess what! i have a vagina and it bleeds monthly! and i get cramps and migraines and they make me pretty miserable for a couple days. i purchase and use pads and i don't particularly like tampons but i use them anyway sometimes.


so there.

p.s.: the clitoris trumps any part of the male anatomy. always.

07 April 2010

sonnet 76

you close your eyes and lose your sense of self;
your thought of who you are is what you see.
you fade into the background, slowly melt,
'til "you" could just as easily be "me."
your eyes spring open--did you grow afraid?
discomforted by what you could not sense?
could individuality not fade?
you must stay conscious of your existence?
it's such a shame that vision still needs sight,
that sense is needed for you to perceive.
you'll never learn to learn the way that's right
unless you cease to panic when sight leaves.
the secret is, the body cannot know
how far beyond the mind could truly go.


05 April 2010

biting my tongue

1) the healthcare reform bill is not going to prevent you from getting your knees fixed, or make you wait an extra 10 years for it to happen. you can still keep whatever insurance you already have and still follow whatever rules it makes up for you.

2) while i agree with you that a gluten-free diet serves little purpose (except for those who have a gluten allergy) and especially that it does not cure autism, that's not a good enough reason to feed your grandson whatever he wants when he's at your house just because he asks for it.

3) the "dumbing down" of American education has quite a bit to do with No Child Left Behind, which is a piece of legislation that was put into place under President Bush. if you want to talk about how stupid THAT made a generation of American kids, feel free. President Obama's education legislation is attempting to FIX all the stuff NCLB fucked up.

4) maybe--just maybe--student loan forgiveness is a good thing because it will encourage those few smart kids who weren't utterly fucked over by NCLB but who couldn't afford college otherwise to actually get a meaningful education, beyond where public schools abandoned them.

5) HIS name is DYLAN.

03 April 2010

things i need to write about:

-a severe lack of motivation.
-tabling next to the Muslim Students Association:
"it's nice to see a sister from your group standing up for us like that."
-drag show.
-eye contact, pronouns, and arcade games

i'm sure there's more.