04 January 2014


2013 was supposed to be our year. And it was, in many ways. 2013 was the year we became us, or started becoming us. I probably won't know which is true for a long time.

2013 started with a journey from Boston to Florida for C's top surgery. That was an incredibly powerful experience, on so many levels. I feel as if that trip was the first big life thing we did together, bigger than moving and buying furniture and getting engaged. It affirmed him, and because we did it together, it affirmed us.

In February, we got the news that we could move back to Pittsburgh. Three weeks later, in early March, we left Boston and arrived back home. It's been a rocky adjustment period, and one that I don't feel is complete. There are still occasionally days that I find myself confused to be here.

Three months after moving, in June, we got married. We had a beautiful day, surrounded by close family & friends who made sure we didn't need to worry about a thing. We had deeply spiritual moments, and deeply silly moments, and about as perfect a wedding as we could have hoped for. We finally hung the prayer flags on which our guests wrote their hopes for our marriage, and it feels empowering to have their positive energies present in our home.

I struggled during summer vacation. The lack of routine was very difficult for me, which contributed to the summer being challenging for us. When I went back to work in August, I was faced with a lot of work-related stress, which is slowly starting to improve as I get more comfortable with my role and my caseload.

At the beginning of December, my best friend died in a car crash. 2013 ended in the most acute grief I have ever experienced. It's been interesting to learn through the experience of grief. What a strange thing human emotions are.

I spent much of 2013 in a relatively dark place. We have experienced a lot of change, and a lot of big changes, in the past year, and I have not adjusted well to most of them. I'm trying to find resolve to make 2014 so much better.