on late blooming

a friend described herself last night as "a late-blooming introvert," with which i identified completely. i have only recently come to this understanding of myself as an introvert and embracing of the label. it's not that i don't like people, or that i want to be by myself all the time; it's that i find my strongest energy within myself, not in others.

for a very long time, i tried to behave like an extrovert, because i felt that was what was expected of me. apparently, i learned to play the role well. but even when i mustered up the most out-goingness--or, more realistically, built close enough connections with people that i felt comfortable being my authentic self with them--i have always needed to return to myself to re-center. i have to be comfortable with myself before i can spend the energy on social interactions.

i'm going through a pretty extended process of re-centering right now. i spend a lot of time by myself, and sometimes i feel kind of funny about that. but i appreciate the opportunity to get to know myself and adjust to what my life has become (and is becoming).

i suspect that a lot of introverts feel a lot of guilt about being introverts, and try to take to heart all the lessons we're taught about the need to be outgoing and make friends and (shudder) network. i want to build my own personal network at my own pace and take the time to get to know people. i'm shy, and i want to be reached out to before i introduce myself. sometimes that takes time. it doesn't mean i don't want to do it, it just means that it's hard for me, so i want to be able to choose when and how i approach people.

it takes time to recognize and understand your own thought processes, habits, and ways of relating to the world. i think that introverts are uniquely prepared to relate to other people, because they are more likely to know how they relate to themselves. these kinds of lessons are valuable.

i highly recommend Susan Cain's TED talk "the power of introverts." if you need to feel empowered by your introversion/shyness/need for solitude, watching this is a good way to do it.
http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html
(thank you B =) )