26 September 2005

random thing

i did this once before and i wanted to see if anything had changed. this is now the most convenient place i have to put stuff like this.

1) Bold what is true about you.
2) Italicize what you wish was true about you.
3) Underline things that are iffy... explain if you'd like
4) Add one true thing about you to the end of the list.

* I miss somebody right now.
* I don't watch much TV these days.
* I love olives.
* I own lots of books.
* I wear glasses or contact lenses.
* I love to play video games.
* I've tried marijuana.
* I've watched porn movies.
* I have been in a threesome.
* I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
* I believe honesty is usually always the best policy.
* I curse sometimes.
* I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
* I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
* I'm TOTALLY smart.
* I have broken someone's bones.
* I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
* I hate the rain.
* I'm paranoid at times.
* I need/want money right now.
* I love sushi.
* I talk really, really fast.
* I have fresh breath in the morning.
* I have long hair.
* I have lost money in Las Vegas.
* I have at least one sibling.
* I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
* I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
* I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
* I like the way that I look.
* I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
* I know how to cornrow.
* I am usually pessimistic.
* I have a lot of mood swings.
* I think prostitution should be legalized.
* I think Britney Spears is pretty.
* I slept with a roommate.
* I have a hidden talent.
* I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
*I have a lot of friends. (i've been hanging out with lots of people lately, but i'm not particularly close with many of them.
* I am currently single.
* I have pecked someone of the same sex. [i don't think "pecked" is the right word. and i don't like it.]
* I enjoy talking on the phone.
* I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
* I love to shop.
* I enjoy window shopping.
* I would rather shop than eat.
* I would classify myself as ghetto.
* I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
* I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.
* I don't hate anyone.
* I'm a pretty good dancer.
* I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
* I have a cell phone.
* I believe in god.
* I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
* I've rejected someone before.
* I currently like someone.
* I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
* I want to have children in the future.
* I have changed a diaper before.
* I've called the cops on a friend before.
* I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
* I'm not allergic to anything.
* I have a lot to learn.
* I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
* I am shy around the opposite sex.
* I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
* I have at least 5 away messages saved.
* I have tried alcohol or drugs before.
* I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past. [i've been told i did this, but i don't remember it.]
* I own the "South Park" movie.
* I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
* When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
* I enjoy some country music.
* I would die for my best friends. [the only question about this one is who they are.]
* I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
* I watch soap operas whenever I can.
* I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
* I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
* I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
* I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
* Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
* I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
* I have dated a close friend's ex. [this was a fucked-up situation, and i'm not sure how we count it.]
* I like surveys/memes.
* I am happy at this moment.
* I'm obsessed with guys. [ha]
* Democrat.
* Conservative Republican.
* I am punk rockish.
* I am preppy.
* I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
* I study(-ied) for tests most of the time.
* I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
* I can work on a car.
* I love my job.
* I am comfortable with who I am right now.
* I have more than just my ears pierced.
* I walk barefoot wherever I can.
* I have jumped off a bridge.
* I love sea turtles.
* I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
* I believe in prophetic dreams.
* I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
* I am proficient on a musical instrument.
* I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
* I hate office jobs.
* I love sci-fi movies.
* I think water rules.
* I went to college out of state.
* I am adopted.
* I like sausage.
* I am a pyro.
* I love the Red Sox.
* I have thrown up from crying too much.
* I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
* I love kisses. [this ought to have a qualifier.]
* I fall for the worst people and have been hurt every time. [in the past. i'm really hoping.]
* I adore bright colors.
* I love Dear Abby.
* I can't live without black eyeliner.
* I think school is awesome.
* I think pigtails serve a purpose.
* I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
* I usually like covers better than originals.
* I don't like multi-textured ice cream.
* I think John Cusack is adorable.
* I fucking hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.
* I watch Food Network way too much.
* I love coaching youth sports.
* I can pick up things with my toes.
* I can't whistle.
* I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes' slither.
* I have ridden/owned a horse.
* I still have every journal I've ever written in. [except the very first one from 1st grade.]
* I can't stick to a diet.
* I talk in my sleep. [sometimes]
* I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
* I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions
* Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
* I have jazz in my blood.
* I wear a toe ring.
* I have a tattoo.
*I love vaginas. [just one.]
* I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.

* I am a caffeine junkie.
* I know who Santos L. Halper is.
* I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed.
* I love wrestling.
* I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
* If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
* I cosplayed or know what cosplaying is.
* I have been to over 15 conventions.
* I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
* I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
* I'm an artist. I like to be creative.
* I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made.
* I am ambidexterous.
* I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.
* My computer has a name.
*If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.
* I have terrible teeth.
* I hate my toes.
* I did this Meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.
* I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
* I have lived in either three different states or countries.
* I am extremely flexible
* I love hugs more than kisses. [i'm pretty sure this is true, but it's really hard to say.]
* I want to own my own business.
* I smoke or have tried cigarettes.
* I have met a star from ABC's LOST.
* I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
* Nobody has ever said I'm normal.
* Sad movies, games, fics and the like can cause a trickle of tear every now and then.
* I am proficient in the use of many types firearms and combat weapons.
* I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.
* I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me. [who does?]
* I have been described as a dreamer.
* I have played tennis with my non dominant hand before.
* I have played strip poker with someone else before.
* I read the labels on food, shampoo, and other things just because.
* I have emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.
* I believe in ghosts and the paranormal
* I can't stand being alone.
* I have at least one obsession at any given time.
* I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
* I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.
* I know what THAC0 means.
* I have a signed Tom Servo head.
* I'm a judgmental asshole.
* I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
* I was a Spice Girls fan and I'm proud of it.
* I have traveled on more than one continent.
* I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.
* I have seen every single episode of more than one television show.
* I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am. [and sometimes even then it doesn't work.]
* I am a Libertarian.
* I can sing songs in languages I don't speak.
* I could speak more than one language
* I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
* I am ovulating.
* I am very confused.
* I believe that everything ends.
* I like happy endings.
* I ask too many questions.
* I am a closet philanthropist.
* I can recite all 50 states in alphabetical order, from memory.
* I would rather read than watch TV.
* I like reading fact more than fiction.
* I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
* I have at one time considered becoming an assassin using only a knife and a pack of gum.
* My parents never gave me a set allowance.
* I have no piercings.
* I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.
* I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
* I hate movie previews.
* I hate being ignored
* I'm a bigger nerd than most people realize
* I act more confidently about myself then I really think.
* I have told someone that I loved them and meant it.
* I am secretly a hopeless romantic. [is this a secret?]
*I've cried at a concert before.
*I have no idea why i am where i am.

that was a good bit longer than it was the last time i took it. and i don't remember that word "pecked." and i'm pretty sure "kissed" was one, and "had sex" was another, and "had a crush on" was another. but i don't feel like looking. also the italics and underlining parts are new. hm. sorry for taking up space on the internet....i'm sure it will eat my head one day.

that seriously took me half an hour.

21 September 2005


it's amazing, considering how desperately i wanted to be out of high school while i was still in it, how much i miss everything this week.

it's about 9:30 in the morning and i'm listening to modest mouse in my room before going to class--this was a great driving to school album. and i don't know why i'm listening to it....i wanted to hear one song and then i started playing the whole thing, and "the world at large" and "float on" in particular are a little tough. god, "float on" is an awesome song....for many more people than just myself. i mean, that song had lots to do with junior year...it always makes me think of mokky and sir, and that one last concert.

but senior year was the really important one. i can't even remember....i think i'm so glad we broke up closer to the beginning of the year than to the end, because i would have missed out on so much. friday nights with geri.... everthing is hilariously funny now. and then aurora and everything that happened, and everything that didn't, and she's still there and as crazy as it is i miss her. and molly....oh, man, i miss molly. we had finally just gotten to the point where everything was ok. i think there are probably still some conversations that should be had. although it was such a relief that night we were on the phone until 2 and talked about everything....

i miss the band room. i miss mornings in the band room with my crew and how cool it felt to know whose shoes were coming around the corner and then to see a person you really cared about, those people who came in every morning even when they didn't have to and who really mattered to you. and i miss hanging around in the band room in the afternoons when we weren't supposed to be there and trying not to get caught and often getting away with it. and playing 20 questions that one day....and other fun times in the office.

i'm not homesick. i don't miss my family at all. it's so bizarre....

i would never want to go back and live it again, although senior year was so not dramatic it was ridiculous....and i might not even mind having that one year again. maybe it's just that feeling that you are virtually untouchable...

i need to go take an italian test.

17 September 2005

stream-of-consciousness III

those things that i never really need to say but feel a need to put words on paper or in a little box with typeface.....who knows. the world is full of words that didn't even need to be there. and that sort of creates all other sorts of crap. hopefully i'm not creating crap by putting out random words, just throwing around some weird sort of energy perhaps. energy is a good thing. under most circumstances. occasionally it's good to have no energy. i've been sick the last couple days so of course i'm sleeping somewhere else. sometimes i'm a little silly i guess. irrational. let's prefer that word for now. "i'm a college student; i'm allowed to be irrational. and it's saturday night, besides." i like having nights free.....i've gotten a lot accomplished today actually. we had a homework party. and i read a lot. i only have about 20 pages left to read for tuesday. but i need to do my calculus homework. and find out when the language lab is open so i can do that section for my italian class.....i ought to burn the cd but i'd have to get a blank cd. i rather like italian i suppose....maybe i should have taken french. who knows. all romanze languages are basically the same (that was almost a typo but i like it with a z i think. i've seen it somewhere.) i'm waiting to be able to say something really pretty....yesterday was good i think; i hadn't seen jake all week. it's nice to see people. it's an entirely different kind of good when i see people i'm not supposed to see all week. i.e. people who don't live in my building. but whose living in my building would be exponentially more convenient. why am i here? ooh i'm not going all cosmic, no. i'm here to watch a movie at 11 and then go to sleep. or something like that. i like this movie it's a good movie it's a little old i think it's about as old as i am but it's still good. and lord knows how old monty python is i think it's even older. i like stream-of-consciousness because i feel no guilt for letting my thoughts spill onto a page. i keep waiting for an interruption but that may not happen for awhile. i don't think i would like having my stream-of-consciousness interrupted but it would be impossible to continue if it were. blah. annnnnyway. yes. there are still words in my brain. somewhere. they like to hide from me periodically, usually at the most inopportune times....it's rather a pain. i like my paper journal; it's at home and i am not. it's funny how "home" can change. i'm not homesick but today i miss my high school. not high school....my high school. you need to make this distinction....i don't think i will ever miss high school, but i miss the place i used to go. honestly i spent more of my waking hours there than i did at my house. for a long time. it's hard to just leave....it really wasn't but today i miss it more than usual. i woke up this morning and put on my class ring and started wondering why i still wear it, because so few people do, but it means so much to me. i find it hard to believe that when i graduate from college i'll feel the same. ha, yes, i did just delete the name of the school and change it to college because i prefer to remain as anonymous as possible. i don't think i've put a location anywhere.....i should check on that. it doesn't really matter. i doubt i'll be stalked really. i'm not provocative enough. if you're going to stalk me, please have a good reason for it. or be very open about it and joking. those are fun relationships. i wonder how many people are jokingly stalking me at any given time. it's probably more likely that i'm jokingly stalking someone else. i have those tendencies. i don't like the way this computer types....i may have to speak to her about this. oh, but i love her so....i haven't written a sonnet since the beginning of august. i feel dead poetically. i want to write another. maybe i should try to do that. sometimes sonnets are hard. especially when i'm sick, but the last time that happened i wrote a sonnet about how that's a lousy excuse. i don't really write any kind of poetry anymore. i used to write poetry all the time, in middle school, and it was all really crappy. i wonder what happened to lewie. [pause.] i don't think about him all that much anymore but when i do, it's heavy. i loved him deeply; he was my best friend and i'm not sure he ever knew. sometimes i wonder what might have happened if everything had been different. but that's such a general statement it should be true for everyone at least once. do you ever think about your life and how it would be so different if you had changed one decision? like if i were in boston right now....(i won't tell you where i am but i'll tell you where i'm not.) who knows; this all might never have happened. and where would i be? this is so good. i'd probably be falling for some gay guy. how unfortunate. luckily that's not the case....i do believe i am exactly where i need to be at this point in my life, and i have a meeting with my advisor on monday morning to ensure that i will continue to be there next semester. i want to take a religious studies/philosophy type course next semester. and intro to bio. hopefully the lab will not kill me; i'm very concerned about over-long labs. hello, i've waited here for you....no no no those words are not the same. i've had godspell music stuck in my head off-and-on for a few days now. i like godspell. i think this paragraph has gotten exceptionally long. bah. who needs paragraphs. i'm reading dos passos and it's interesting; i like the way he structures his paragraphs sometimes. his words read like the mind. i'm always a fan. i want to read oh who's that author...joyce, but i think that would hurt my brain. maybe next summer. maybe next year. maybe next lifetime. maybe in my next lifetime i'll be joyce. ha. i don't think it works that way. i think if i had ever been joyce, or if i were ever going to be joyce, i'd have at least the slightest inkling by now. like who was that lady i think i was.....she might have been anonymous not famous which is probably the case, oh yes now i'm quite certain. the words coming out of my head are beginning to sound stranger. life is odd. but quite worth it.

i think that's enough for now.

03 September 2005

quick note from somewhere up fifth

i wasn't going to do any homework today anyway. why are all the fonts on this computer so big?...

i have nothing to say, except, perhaps, hooray for procrastination!

and life is pretty good i think. despite my sunburn.