26 May 2006

songwriter's block

i really want to write a song, but it's not coming. and it seems like it's always like this, but every other song i've written is already written, so i don't think of them that way. most of them were slow and tedious, and i can think of one that was quick and painful, and another that was slow to start but ended up relatively quick and that was painful just because of the subject matter. we never did finish that one, even though we said we were going to. i don't really need the closure anymore, i guess, but it would be nice. if only to get the three of us to play together again.

there's this song on the curious george album by "jack johnson and friends" that says "three is a magic number." i suppose it's true. it seems like it would have to be. my high school latin teacher told us that "the universe runs in threes." he used it to justify leaving after his third year, because otherwise he would have to stay for another three. the tao te ching says, "out of one comes two. out of two comes three. and out of three come all things."

what's it like, being nineteen?

the song i'm trying to write is an unapologetic apology. i think. i want to toy with this idea of regret a little more. my idea is that i don't regret anything, but i think i ought to revisit that periodically. there's one decision in particular i'm trying to write about here. i have a chord progression and half a melody. it will happen soon enough.

i like to say that every decision i've ever made has been mine, and i own it. and it's true. but that shouldn't necessarily mean living without regret, although that should always be the goal. if i do something really stupid....what does "regret" really mean, anyway?

i don't regret loving you.

(that needs to be a lyric.)

it's friday night. and it's only 10:00. why do i want to go to bed? (because girlfriend is out of town and i have nothing else to do.)

i went to a drum circle tonight. i think if i go to a drum circle once a month or so, it will be good for my soul. i feel like part of something bigger than myself, and there's a sense of power but also the necessity for humility, and you really do forget everything while you're in it. it's healing. i think i need a drum. i almost stopped at music & arts center on the way home to check out prices of things, to see if a drum is something i will be obtaining this summer, or 5 years from now, or not in the foreseeable future.

i had fun this afternoon. the last hour of work is the worst, especially on friday, so really all you can do is have fun with it. lots of big hugs, and chasing bubbles, and tickling, and falling on the "grass." (really, why can't little kids have real grass?)

i'm sleepy and i have the beginnings of a headache and i've already put the guitar away, where it shall stay. speaking of which, let me know if you might want to buy it.