question:

why don't sex discrimination laws automatically cover gender identity & expression? i.e., why doesn't a person with a penis have just as much right to wear a dress as a person with a vagina does? to tell them otherwise is still discrimination based on sex...

realization?

distracted. can't concentrate. don't know why.


understanding gendered spaces in a way i never have before:
"men's space" isn't a place where
men want to keep women out,
it's a place where
no women want to go.


specifically:
i am never going to be comfortable around free weights.
especially when they get their own room.

why i hate straight men

scene: at a party, dancing under a strobe light, dressed like a kandi kid for an 80s theme. everyone is drunk, except me.

drunk guy: are you gay?
me: oh, yeah. [laughing as his girlfriend (?) starts to grind on me, with him behind her.]
guy: i'm not gay. i'm straight. this is my girlfriend. actually we're engaged. she's pregnant.
[hot] blonde girl: no i'm not! that's not true! [storms off]
[guy starts dancing on me in a way that is not entirely inappropriate, but with which i am completely uncomfortable]
me: um, i have a boyfriend, and i really don't want to be dancing with you like that.
him: you don't have a boyfriend.
me: uh, yes, i do.
him: you can't have a boyfriend. you're gay.

....

thoughts from this evening:

i'm probably going to fail this assignment. i'm well past caring.

i wish i'd lightened up in high school. then maybe i could [have blown off more of undergrad and] have my shit back together by now.

one should probably not drink beer and do dishes at the same time, but i can't think of a good reason why. except for all the sharp knives in my sink. and all the glass involved. and bubbles.

thought

it's been a week so i have to post something, right?

human beings are afraid of difference because they are scared of evolution. nature loves diversity, because nature knows the way of things is to evolve. but humans have reached a point where they [believe they] control everything, so they are afraid something could evolve that would take that control. this is why humans try to beat difference into submission, to force as much into conformity as possible: they are genetically afraid of change.

thought:

despite periodic awkwardness, there are definite perks to living on-campus as a grad student. naps between classes are one of them. trouble-free access to library databases in my place of residence is another.

March 10, 2010

way too much has happened that i haven't even sorted through on paper yet, but i feel bad leaving this for so long. as a microcosm of the ridiculousness that is my life, i present to you: Wednesday.

1. wake up too early, walk across campus, hypercaffeinate, and drive to clinic. (weird because i usually take the bus.)
2. do clinic stuff, including a session with a kid who smelled like he hadn't bathed since i saw him the week before.
3. get & respond to a handful of text messages. call my mother.
4. freak out for several hours, while packing for a long weekend.
5. take the car to briefly visit friends i won't see for a longer than usual.
6. park on campus, track down Dylan, listen to a brief and unexpectedly undramatic phone conversation.
7. spend longer than expected in Student Health, with mercifully open and accepting professionals, for The First T Shot (yay!!)
8. NOT get a parking ticket!
9. immediately get in the car, drive to Dylan's apartment so he can pick up his stuff, and set out for--
10.--Boston Market because it took too long to not eat before leaving.
11. drive for over 4 hours to my parents' house.
12. go to sleep on an underinflated air mattress.

details (presumably) to follow.

found - good news/bad news for Beltway gays

and Virginia makes #3:

Va. colleges told to strike LGBT anti-discrimination policies

IT IS 2010! GET WITH IT! this makes me so angry I want to write in all-caps!

what, exactly, constitutes "insufficient authority" to decide that sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression are NOT good reasons to discriminate against people? and how can treating all of your citizens as equal be "invalid policy"? more to the point, why is this so?

in happier news, just across the river, same-sex couples start getting married in D.C. today.

what an interesting juxtaposition.

realization:

i can exert control over my environment.
i can be the responsible one; i can refuse to do it.
i can do for others, and i can get others to do for me.
i know there are 'right' and 'wrong' ways of doing these things.

thought:

i like to think that most people wouldn't share their favorite books unless they were pretty sure the other person already got whatever the book was trying to say.

i mean, i don't think i'd want my favorite book wasted on somebody who didn't get it.

in like a lion

february's over

this was always supposed to mean
that things get better

the surest quick fix
was changing the calendar

but now i find
that time is a myth
time is arbitrary
march is just another word

every lesson i've learned for the last year is still true

but then why
does it
all
end
the same?

i still find the smell of you on my clothes
and pause

i still know that when i can write every day
i'm okay

i still wonder if the boy whose birthday is tomorrow
is alive
and if he ever thought of me again

even when i live in an apartment that has windows
i still need to see the sun