adagio

i am all over the place spiritually right now.

last night, it all had to do with Barber's "Adagio for Strings." this is the saddest song ever, and last night i (unexpectedly) heard a beautiful electronica remix of it by Tiësto. it put me in a profoundly spiritual place--the song is deeply linked to a friend who recently died--and i kind of didn't get out of there.

i've been having weird dreams, too, and weird half-dreams (which i find i can remember even less than actual dreams, those strange thoughts that happen between sleep and waking), and frustrating tarot readings. and the conversations, oh, god, the conversations....

[i cannot continue to use my messed-up religious beliefs as an excuse not to grieve.]

i need to go away for a few days, to a place that feels more like Home to me than any place i have ever lived, to a place where i know i am safe no matter what happens, to think and recharge and hopefully make sense of some things. i'll be back at the end of the week.

last night i laid down on a merry-go-round in the park and the sky was spinning so fast and i thought how insignificant this all must look from God's-eye-view