mail

[it's been too many days, so i must write something. despite (because of?) the fact that there are several other things i ought to be doing. but i'm not sure what to write this morning.]

earlier this week i got a letter, written in script that is all too quickly becoming familiar on yellow legal paper that's doing the same, and finding that envelope in my mailbox made me just as excited as any of the other, much more formal correspondence i've been waiting on would have. i put it aside until the housework was done and it made me wash the dishes faster. everyone's advice is the same, which must mean it's right--even if it's not what i'm hoping to hear.

also this week, i finally found people who were willing to be biased with me. objective advice is all well and good, but what if all you really want is for someone to tell you to stay?

then, on friday afternoon, two more pieces of mail: one on glossy paper, one in a thin envelope, both with return addresses i'd been anticipating. the glossy one was an attempt to convince me that i want to go somewhere; the thin envelope was an attempt to convince me that other people want me to go somewhere.

(since when do acceptance letters arrive as a single sheet of paper in a standard envelope?)

i am deciding where i want to spend the next two years of my life. i won't say i've decided--there are too many other things i'm supposed to find out first. but right now...it would take a lot to change my mind.

it's an almost alien feeling of security and reassurance.