02 June 2010

more on family

according to the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force (blog), yesterday was "LGBT Families Day," and i spent the whole afternoon going, "...do i have to write about that?"

then this morning i found out somebody's wife is pregnant with their second child, and i got really annoyed and resentful about it all day.

here's the thing.

aside from how much it bothers me that in the vast majority of states i can't get married or even have my relationship legally recognized, that there are several states restricting my ability to adopt, that having children will never be simple for me, and that my partner is basically fucked when it comes to legal protection from discrimination, it bothers me even more that so many people take their ability to raise a family for granted.

you're straight and you want to have a kid? good for you, you get to have a lot of sex. then everybody congratulates you and your spouse, coos over you for 9 months, and offers you all the support you need to raise your eventual child.

if i ever want to have a kid, there are a few options open to me. i could turkey-baster some sperm from a cup somebody jerked off in to my vag, or i could do some really complicated and invasive in vitro stuff, or probably a handful of other things i am nowhere near old enough to care to think about yet. or i could adopt, in some states and from some places. each of these options is likely to cost me tens of thousands of dollars, in addition to the subsequent costs of raising a child for 18 years. on top of all that, there are a ton of people out there who will vilify my relationship, my decision to have a child, the child hirself, and the system that allowed me to build my own family--even though it allows them to do just the same, with many fewer challenges.

so forgive me if i'm less than congratulatory. having an orgasm must have been so hard on you.

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