note:

it's time for a long weekend.

[untitled 6/5/10]

hideous scabs
shaved knees bumping
stubble threatening the image

perilous to keep distance
so close

i tread the line of what i am
and what i want to be with

i explore the depths of the cavern
that no one else seems to probe

i am a sure-footed wanderer
but we all know that bravery
is not admitting when you're scared.

[untitled 6/4/10] - excerpts

in the blink of an eye
before i even realized you were looking
wink
and you're gone

butch-femme
dyke-lesbian
pants-dress
it's all a set of continua
and i want to be the ends of the middle

you my polar endocentric opposite

within a system
within a system

like attracts like but
like and unlike like each other
quantum physics is always
contradictory

too small particles
miss the bigger picture
swirling in an electron cloud
the sea drowns you
as it speaks to the sky.

living in the underground
a system within a system
we travel downstairs
through solid doors
with nondescript signs
before finding the people we know

i love the way
ladies come first
and you took my hand
even if you should have already met

we're trapped in this stupid powerplay
where we live out roles scripted for us
there is comfort in the rhythm
but also dissonance
i wait for the resolution
i crave synchrony
denouement
means only the next movement

a pause to recoup
but the conductor never lowers his hands
white-gloved and hesitant
Maestro
we call you many names.

realization:

if all the cells in your body regenerate every 7 years,
we are none of us
the same people we were in high school.

Re:

To: my .edu email address
From: someone @usarec.army.mil

Hello,

My name is Staff Sergeant _____. I am the local Army recruiter here at the University. I am writing to ask if you have ever thought about the Army or Army Reserves as a career or a way to help pay for college. If you are interested in hearing more about it feel free to send me an email or give me a call. I look forward to hearing from you.

From: my .edu email address
To: the Staff Sergeant

I'm gay. Have a nice day.

K

From: the Staff Sergeant

K,

Thank you for emailing me back. I will remove you from my list so you shouldn't be getting anymore bothersome emails. Best of luck to you in everything that you do.

SSG _____

more on family

according to the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force (blog), yesterday was "LGBT Families Day," and i spent the whole afternoon going, "...do i have to write about that?"

then this morning i found out somebody's wife is pregnant with their second child, and i got really annoyed and resentful about it all day.

here's the thing.

aside from how much it bothers me that in the vast majority of states i can't get married or even have my relationship legally recognized, that there are several states restricting my ability to adopt, that having children will never be simple for me, and that my partner is basically fucked when it comes to legal protection from discrimination, it bothers me even more that so many people take their ability to raise a family for granted.

you're straight and you want to have a kid? good for you, you get to have a lot of sex. then everybody congratulates you and your spouse, coos over you for 9 months, and offers you all the support you need to raise your eventual child.

if i ever want to have a kid, there are a few options open to me. i could turkey-baster some sperm from a cup somebody jerked off in to my vag, or i could do some really complicated and invasive in vitro stuff, or probably a handful of other things i am nowhere near old enough to care to think about yet. or i could adopt, in some states and from some places. each of these options is likely to cost me tens of thousands of dollars, in addition to the subsequent costs of raising a child for 18 years. on top of all that, there are a ton of people out there who will vilify my relationship, my decision to have a child, the child hirself, and the system that allowed me to build my own family--even though it allows them to do just the same, with many fewer challenges.

so forgive me if i'm less than congratulatory. having an orgasm must have been so hard on you.