what if the more boy you become, the less i have of myself?
i don't want to become just the partner who sees somebody through a transition. i don't want my identity to be secondary to somebody else's. i am queer, and i am proud of it and comfortable in it. i'm not interested in being read as straight.
i never wanted this to be easy, but i wasn't expecting it to be this kind of hard.
1/28/10
i need a haircut. and a reinterpretation of my whole identity.
have i written about my hair before? because i really should. it's more important than it ought to be. there's just so much wrapped up in it. oh well. fodder for later, i suppose.
2 comments:
the word "just" is a terribly limiting one. words can only inspire action.
i can't understand (although i truly wish i could so that i could provide more adequate empathy) all that it is you're feeling for the obvious fact that i'm not you. I do know, however, that you're one of the few people that i've ever met who seems to look good no matter the length or style that their hair is in- it kind of makes me jealous.
Apologies in advance if this is intrusive, but I would really recommend seeing a counselor about all this if you're not already. It's a lot to process.
If it's any consolation, it's not at all uncommon to have these kinds of feelings. I "know" a man online who transitioned, and he talks about his wife struggling with many of these same issues. His wife had identified as lesbian for pretty much her whole life, but now that her partner has transitioned and they have a couple of children, they can and do pass as a heterosexual gender-normative husband and wife, and that was fraught with all kinds of difficult feelings for her and things they had to work through as a couple.
Hugs to you. :)
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