the Internet is for distraction

i'm not interested in my homework. i have a major presentation to do tomorrow that i'm not anywhere near ready for, and a project due that is so stupid and irrelevant to my life that i must be in graduate school. i'm remembering something that someone else wrote about how most of the things you have to do to get into a profession--the specific situation there was acceptance to med school--are designed not because you need to know anything you are supposed to learn in the process, but to prove that you are willing to put up with whatever shit they throw at you, and sometimes, when you're lucky, to prove that you can think logically and independently. it's like that everywhere.

i realized this semester that there is a very simple secret to being a grown-up. all grown-ups ever do is pretend that they know what they're talking about. the trick is to find that thing you can pretend very well about, and spend a lot of time on it. the further i go, the more i realize that everybody does this.

the purpose of this post is really that it's the last day of november, and i want to post once more before the month ends. also it's been 4 days and i like to keep some semblance of an update schedule.

things i'd like to be posting:
-something about how it's been one year. i didn't even notice until most of the way through the 29th. i still miss you, but i've learned a whole lot this year. i still think it was an incredibly selfish decision, and even though i still get angry sometimes, i might be able to say i've forgiven you i understand. (not that that was what you wanted.)
-an open letter to somebody else's mother.
-anything creative.
-an update on personal issues that are only sort of related to me.
-something about family--my own, or the archetype.
-something about that time i had the option and decided i was too tired to build any more walls, that it was more worth taking the risk that somebody wouldn't reach back than the risk that i'd miss the chance to make that human connection.