end-of-summer musings

i am sitting under the stairs in the UHC so i can use teh internets and plug in my computer. i am one meeting away from my work for the summer being done (well, two, if you count the one with my advisor in the morning). i am killing time in the air conditioning, waiting for you to call, so i don't have to be in my hot and stuffy apartment in the 90+ degree weather with the heat advisory from the national weather service until 8pm.

i have 22 pages of a paper sitting in front of me, and i don't feel like it could possibly be finished. i should be panicking at 2 o'clock this morning; it's not due until noon tomorrow. i made a real poster, which i didn't think i was going to get the chance to do, and it's simple but effective. i can't comprehend the possibility that i have nothing to do.

and i know there are things i could be doing. but there's nothing i need to do.

i'm kind of overwhelmed by the idea of the summer ending, to be honest. it's been such an amazing summer. i've met great new people, and re-met some others; made incredible friendships, some from scratch and some with existing foundations; and reasserted my independence. i've found closure. i've learned more about the universe than in the last few years combined. i've paid rent for the first time. i spent my first birthday away from home. i've done work that has meaning, even if only to me, and i've loved it so much that i'm trying to find ways to continue it. i've walked everywhere and flown several times. i visited home and didn't want to kill myself or my mother at the end of ten days.

i wonder if it will be a bigger challenge to readjust to school starting again, having been here. the bubble that occurs when i spend time at home won't exist, because i've spent the whole time here. the first two weeks after everyone moved out were so strange, because campus was so empty, but now i'm used to it and i think it will be even stranger during the first two weeks when everyone comes back. i kind of enjoy having things mostly to myself.

i should be reading, either the abstract booklet (another exciting physical product of the summer) or through the looking glass. or trying to get down to target--that can be tomorrow afternoon, or sometime this weekend, depending on who i can convince to come with me.

i feel like i am somewhere right now, and it's not defined by my work or my location or my company.
it's a satisfying feeling, i think.