schoolsick

it's amazing, considering how desperately i wanted to be out of high school while i was still in it, how much i miss everything this week.

it's about 9:30 in the morning and i'm listening to modest mouse in my room before going to class--this was a great driving to school album. and i don't know why i'm listening to it....i wanted to hear one song and then i started playing the whole thing, and "the world at large" and "float on" in particular are a little tough. god, "float on" is an awesome song....for many more people than just myself. i mean, that song had lots to do with junior year...it always makes me think of mokky and sir, and that one last concert.

but senior year was the really important one. i can't even remember....i think i'm so glad we broke up closer to the beginning of the year than to the end, because i would have missed out on so much. friday nights with geri.... everthing is hilariously funny now. and then aurora and everything that happened, and everything that didn't, and she's still there and as crazy as it is i miss her. and molly....oh, man, i miss molly. we had finally just gotten to the point where everything was ok. i think there are probably still some conversations that should be had. although it was such a relief that night we were on the phone until 2 and talked about everything....

i miss the band room. i miss mornings in the band room with my crew and how cool it felt to know whose shoes were coming around the corner and then to see a person you really cared about, those people who came in every morning even when they didn't have to and who really mattered to you. and i miss hanging around in the band room in the afternoons when we weren't supposed to be there and trying not to get caught and often getting away with it. and playing 20 questions that one day....and other fun times in the office.

i'm not homesick. i don't miss my family at all. it's so bizarre....

i would never want to go back and live it again, although senior year was so not dramatic it was ridiculous....and i might not even mind having that one year again. maybe it's just that feeling that you are virtually untouchable...

i need to go take an italian test.