08 January 2016

white rocks and yellow diamonds

I left rocks at the place we got married. There were two white ones that were supposed to fit together somehow. I threw those off the overlook. Then I took three flatter grey ones and stacked them on the stone wall. Proceed with caution.

I went back to the bar for the first night since the police came, on an exploratory mission for my girlfriend with a friend in town until the morning. I stepped outside for a smoke alone and was enjoying the relative quiet when Rihanna filled my head with yellow diamonds. I froze.

We found love in a hopeless place.

We used to sing it about Pittsburgh.

We left this city and moved to another one where we were completely isolated from anyone we knew. We started a new life together and became entirely dependent on each other. Then we came back. Thank goodness. This place holds my hope and my home-feeling.

yellow diamonds in the light
and we're standing side by side
as your shadow crosses mine
what it takes to come alive
it's the way i'm feeling i just can't deny
but i've gotta let it go....

I vividly flashed back to a night on the dance floor, strobe lights animating his face. Smiling that unabashed, charismatic smile of his at me. With me. He was always good at dancing with me...or always until almost the very end.

We were good, once.

Were we good, ever?

I only almost cried.

2 comments:

Troll said...

You cannot discount your past happiness any more than you can discount the past events that have created your present reality. Both are equally important parts of your story, and both have meaning and tell their own truths.

K said...

You are exactly the right person to tell me that. Thank you.

<3