nesting

i've written a few times on the topic of Home...i'm beginning to suspect that the quest for such a place, be it a physical location or otherwise, is one of the main journeys in any given life. this week, i feel pretty good about it.

two weeks ago tomorrow, i moved into a new apartment. from the very first, it felt like mine. this is a big change from my prior living situation: i shared an apartment (i now live by myself), and more often than not i felt cornered into my own bedroom, for no good reason other than my own discomfort, so i spent as little time in the apartment as possible. it became less a place to live and more a place to keep my stuff. now, i want to be here; i want to spend time in my place, and when i don't, i want to figure out why, and i want to put work into making this place even more mine--even more my home.

it's funny, because the last place that really felt like a home to me was also in this building. i went up to visit one day last week, and it was odd. all my bedroom furniture was exactly where i had left it over a year ago when i moved out.

aside from having a place of my own, where i truly feel comfortable, there's something else to my life lately adding to that feeling of Home. it's taken a long time, but i finally feel like i'm in the right place. i've known for a while that i'm in the right city; i've lived here for four years, and though i don't expect to stay here forever, it's not time to leave yet. i'll know when it is. Pittsburgh fits like that space in your shoulder where my head goes when i've had a bad day--and the real sense of Home comes from being able to make that comparison.

[the relationships we build in college, the networks we find and create niches in, are so much different from the spaces we make for ourselves at any other time. i can't decide if i'm excited to see how the development of new relationships changes as i get older. it seems like it only gets harder. i have better friends now than i've ever had in my life. i know that at any given moment there are at least three people i can call and find a space to crash if i need it. there are people who would miss me if i left. i know my role, and i know i'll have support in changing it if need be. this is what it means to have a Home: to know that you belong somewhere, whether it's in an apartment or among people.]