to Know that this is not fiction, that there are creatures who Are Love, that it is possible to be ALL LOVE . . . to Know that Renee can hear me, and that knowing what she would say is the same as being able to hear her reply (the same way i Know what God would say, even when i don't want Her to be right) . . . to Know that i have my very own Aunt Beast and a place i can always come Home to, even though i've never lived there . . . is almost overwhelming. . . . this chapter makes me want to cry, need to write, need to go on. . . . I wish [he] could see that i need him not to be accustomed to it, or at least not to treat me like i shouldn't be in awe of it . . . he could be such a great help to me, if he [were able to/would] respect where i am with it now, in light of (or in spite of) where he has been . . .
i have no idea what color i am right now . . .
--from a paper notebook
(and maybe it should have been kNow)
2 comments:
this makes me want to kiss you. or cry. or just tell you that i actually do, and am just horrible at showing it. or that i've changed too much at the moment to think about it.
but regardless, i do understand. I have been there. it Is wonderful.
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