realization:

I AM AN AMALGAMATION OF ALL I HAVE EVER KNOWN.

to cut out my entire life prior to this moment [college] would be not only impractical, but impossible. i would need to delete not only half my buddy list, but most of my itunes library, a large portion of my hard drive, all my memories of anywhere-but-here. i would need to burn my journals and most of my bedroom at home. as well as a good portion of the stuff i keep with me here. many of the books i own. i can't change the way i know to feel about others based on the ways i've felt about you. there is no way to remove you--either of you--any of you. nor should i want to--

i am you.

relief

*sigh*

well...that went well.

panic

what if
what if
what if

butterflies

breaking in new shoes

rehearsing conversations for three days
still no idea what i'm going to say

peanut butter for dinner? i'm not opposed
stick to the roof of my mouth and don't let me speak

this was never supposed to be poetry

it all comes back to capture-the-moment
and someday when somebody promises me money
perhaps i will revise [perhaps i'll consider revising]

for now i can't even manage a spoken conversation; how do you expect me to handle my writing?

what if
what if
what if

the abolishment of gender
for the hatred of pronouns
(i used to love "She")

my thought is that monosexuals will not like this idea

the leaves dance in shadow on my wall
i love having a tree outside my window
blessed distraction