killing time/sonnet 47

for the first time, i'm scared to post the newest sonnet, for the same reasons i was trying to write the other night.

ironic--i was trying to post something with a comment about how it's only appropriate/safe to say on a blog, and i couldn't connect to the server--ergo, COULD NOT BLOG!

the gist of it was, there are certain things i could write here that i could only write here, because there's the smallest chance that the person they're about would read them, but it is infinitesimal because nobody ever actually reads my blog. so it would be like saying it, but without saying it, because nobody would hear it. but it's out there. so it's sort of like the responsibility is on them now, instead of me. i'm sure many people have similar feelings.

oh, to hell with it.

---

sonnet 47
if words would come, would that the problem be?
or is it that i feel the words too much?
no voice i'll give, for fear that, since it's me,
i'm doomed to ruin everything i touch.
i have this history of voiced mistakes,
where all is fine until my foolish speech;
i've grown accustomed to the loss this makes--
you'd think it would a diff'rent lesson teach.
however, if you chose to give it voice
(or even noticed that i show int'rest),
i would applaud the boldness of that choice
and hope it ended better than the rest.
if you would take this choice out of my hands,
a happy ending's given better chance.
--september 26, 2006

observations at the plaza

wedding party taking pictures on the carousel
the bride was more beautiful today than she will ever feel again

a little girl with her head inside a plastic popcorn bag
her mother had a cigarette
i thought "that makes perfect sense..."

a boy playing catch with his grandfather

lovers lying on the grass

children laughing as they run
the wind echoes at first and then blows them away

realization:

nothing i do is right.

definitions

i need to re-work my life plan. and possibly redefine "family," or at least my expectations of it.
should have been a nun.

"family" == any group of humans i see which includes one adult female, one adult male, and one or more children.

"family" == any group of people who love each other.

"love" == to seek and foster the good of another (as per senior year religion class).

"sleeping with" == sleeping, adjacent to. NOT having sex.

"family" == whichever group i spend the most time with.

this probably requires more lengthy prose and less mathematical analysis. i'm not sure i can give proper attention to either right now, or when i will be able to do so. in that light, here's a bunch of ideas! suggestions are welcome. maybe there will be more later.