everybody celebrates differently.

co-worker this morning: "K in a skirt!!"
me: "it is Halloween..."

Brattle Sq, October 24

last night i walked into a Tibetan Freedom rally in Brattle Square
i heard him singing from a half-mile away,
ten minutes
that voice and that throaty roar in the microphone drew me in

eye contact
woman with bowed head and american flag
young man dancing waving the flag of tibet
this throat-singer chanting words in a language my body had learned,
years before,
lifetimes before.

before life, when words
meant no meaning had been exchanged,
but where the vibrations of the earth and the trees and the human throat
were all expressions of the divine in the universe.

i loved it then and i love it now,
i listen for meaning above words.
i am trapped in the words of my body,
my limited shell attempting to capture the likeness of the invisible divine
so far removed from me that i could not hope to ever achieve it.
i escaped my freedom.

purgatory is life.

we know we have suffered here, in this lifetime
we know we have earned no suffering

i stood there transfixed,
brought in by the call to prayer.
i responded in a language i did not understand.
stop. pray. breathe. stand.

tears of fear and pain and sorrow built behind my eyes.
i could not say why. i heard
the truth of his suffering.

it got bad enough that he was here, instead of there.

i began, after standing for some minutes
feeling on the verge of tears and held in deep respect,
to nod my head in agreement
and laugh.

there is joy, there is hope, there is compassion
and we will still be here, somewhere.

Tibet is not a part of China.

Femme-butch dynamics in football fandom

all my favorite players are receivers; all his are defenders.

update:

on that biological clock: ticking has stopped. alarm now ringing loudly. trying desperately to locate snooze button.

conundrum:

the worst (?) thing about depression is that when you hit the point where you're too depressed to do anything, the only solution is to get off your ass and do things.

on neighbours

today i was reminded to pay attention to my neighbors. the people in closest proximity to me, who are experiencing the same things as i am on a moment-to-moment basis. today my neighbors included:

-the non-heteronormative appearing Black woman who sat across from me on the T and made faces at a toddler whose mama was more interested in her phone than in her child.

-Dave, the working-class man with a strong Boston accent (which neighborhood, i could still not tell you) who struck up a conversation with me at the trolley stop by asking about my hair (buzzed again, surprise!) and proceeded to carry a conversation with me for at least 45 minutes until i got off the train. he was super friendly and really interesting to listen to and connect with. he has a daughter about my age. and he told me he'll give me a copy of his demo cd the next time we see each other.

 -the two young Asian women who said "excuse me" while i was talking with a friend on a street corner and asked me to take their picture...how do you say no to that? 

-the Latino family taking wedding pictures...the bride and the little girl were both in elaborate dresses. the flower girl looked like she was thoroughly enjoying poofing her big skirt.

-the employees at the liquor store and the chain burrito place where we stopped on the way home. who looked me in the eyes, and who didn't.

-the boy (college-aged?) who thanked me as he moved past me to get out of the crowded train, and the way i thanked him for making it so convenient for me to sit down. (lessons in femme courtesy only ever happen naturally and by accident.)

-the gaggle of irish students staying in boston for a 7-week term, especially the girl sitting on the end of the row with her bright red hair who sang, "i cannot wait to go back to ireland!" the others asked her why, and she told them she misses her good friends and her good family and a gestural expression of frustration with people from here that i would do a disservice by describing. i asked her how long she's staying here, and she told me five more weeks. she asked me where i'm from. i only thought about it for a moment before saying, "pittsburgh." she repeated it, "pittsburgh," with an unmistakably knowing nod. "do you like it here?"



"not as much as i liked it there."
"so are you often making long trips?"
"not often enough."
"ah, because of like work stuff?"
"yeah, stuff like that."

as i got off the train i made sure to tell them to have fun and enjoy their stay. there's so much cool stuff to explore.