thought:

i should get back to doing morning pages.

this is an idea that i learned from Steph, who had learned it from some writing book, a number of years ago. you designate a notebook, and every morning, first thing when you wake up, you write three pages. just freewriting; whatever comes into your head. the leftovers of dreams. goals for the day. strings of letters that have no discernible meaning. and it gets your brain going, and the theory is that it makes it easier to write later in the day. i did it for a few weeks one summer in high school, and i think i ought to start again.

the problem now is that i wake up and i have a certain amount of time to get showered, get dressed, get fed, and get wherever i'm going. and i really don't want to wake up that much earlier. motivation is the main issue with most things, i find.

i don't know if they really do make it easier to write consciously, but it can't hurt. and maybe it would help me sort out some of the things that go on in my mind.

found- a softer world

this is old, but periodically becomes strikingly relevant again.

i think you are beautiful

sonnet 70

my muse is gone. i still lament her flight.
it seems like years since we had last conversed.
my pen is full, my paper blank and white;
my rhyme is fit to meter well-rehearsed.
this is a puzzle, more than poetry;
syllables to iambs must be matched.
the meaning doesn't matter, frequently;
to structure it's only loosely attached.
will this ever become writing again?
words in creative flow, not pieces split?
i miss what my words in the past have been,
when i had pictures whole, not puzzle bits.
is my muse gone forever? i hope no . . .
sadly, she's hidden somewhere i can't go.


10/14/2008
i think this pretty much speaks for itself.

thought:

when i was about 16, i promised a middle-aged man in a coffee shop who told me i had "a poet's soul" that i would never become jaded.

this is harder than advertised. but i am still making the effort.

pro-life?

i realize that i may not be so much pro-choice as i am anti-pro-life.

i walked past the Catholic church on my way to work this afternoon, and there were two or three dozen people lining either side of the street in front of it, holding signs that said "Abortion Kills Babies," "Abortion Hurts Women," "Pray for an End to Abortion," and "Lord, Forgive Us and Our Nation." (my favorite was the iteration of the last one, being held by a 5-year-old girl.) there were a few others that i don't remember so clearly, and one hand-drawn one (the rest were computerized and identical) that said "Babies are gifts--don't throw them away!" and had pictures of gift-wrapped packages on it. at least they didn't have the gory placards.

the one man i spoke to, while i was waiting for the walk signal to cross the intersection, told me that he was with the Catholic church, though he didn't make it clear if all the members of the group were. i had hoped so, because it doesn't make any sense for them to protest the Catholic church, which is staunchly pro-life. (we used to have the opportunity to get service hours for skipping classes in high school to go to the March for Life in D.C. i always thought this was only fair if they would give me service hours for going to the counter-rally with my congregation, which i never did, but would have been interesting to make a fuss about.)

it is often true, at least for me, that we don't know what we believe until we encounter something that stands in opposition to it. i have said for some time that i am anti-abortion, but also pro-choice: i would rather work to change the social system that makes women feel they need to have abortions than to make the practice illegal. i don't believe it should be legislated. but walking down the street made me think of all the arguments i could make in favor of abortion, if only i hadn't been on my way to work and had time to get into a conversation with these people. (i love talking with picketers, especially ones who are supporting something i oppose.) for example: what about those babies that aren't gifts? are you really going to tell a girl who got pregnant because she was raped that that was a gift from God? what about the fact that the planet is already overpopulated and there are children who are starving, children who don't have basic healthcare, children who have no place to live? shouldn't we try to take care of the people who are already here before those who aren't? and how does abortion "hurt women," anyway?

so maybe i'm not as anti-abortion as i think i am. i still think it's a terrible thing, and i would love to see a world in which no woman ever felt it was necessary to go through that, but in the meantime, i can hardly argue against it.

feel free to dispute!

autumn

fall fell, very suddenly and all at once, on the first of october.

i am excited for hoodie weather and changing colors and a new sense of things. i hope we have a long autumn and a short winter.

change is good....moving forward is good....these are reaffirmations of things i have already known. it's easier to be reminded when all of nature is doing the same.