stream-of-consciousness xii

i feel like i have had any time or energy to do any substantial writing lately....most of the writing i have been able to do has either been for class or writing down the crazy dreams i've been having....there were three nights in a row, then one night of nothing, and i had another weird dream last night but i don't remember what happened....i remember mentioning a piece of it to someone but i can't remember what i said.

dreams are silly.

i don't actually believe that.

i'm always curious about interpretations, but i never feel like i can put too much stock in books or websites or other people....sometimes other people, but it depends on the person and how well they know me....

i keep being pleasantly surprised by the sunset when i turn around

there's a window behind me and i can see outside

flying at night was a cool experience. the moon followed me the whole way. and i swear i saw "hi god" written in the pattern of streetlights in one neighborhood close to baltimore.

still no computer. working on that. not in earnest. if the semester ends and i still have no hard drive, i will begin to work in earnest. because i must have my own computer for next semester. not that next semester will be substantially different from this one as far as courseload, at least i can't imagine it would, but .....it's just a convenience really. i'm learning that i don't actually need my own computer. except for in that way where "need" means "could really really use, and want badly."

the problem with not having time or energy to write is that inevitably, whenever you get the chance, you're so drained that you have nothing to say anyway.

exhaustion

yay for the first (?) staying-up-til-at-least-1-in-the-morning-
the-night-before-the-final-project-is-due.....

i honestly don't think i've done this before. and i kind of don't believe that it's finished. and it's not. i need to go home and play with markers and make it pretty. i must be forgetting something.

realization:

i'm allergic to my past.

how odd!

shit.

my hard drive just died.

currently seeking recommendations. my options are as follows:
1) replace the hard drive on my 2 1/2 year old Dell and hope for the best
2) buy a Macintosh
3) buy a non-Dell PC

also seeking sympathy, and people who live close to me who may be willing to let me use their computers. and someone who can retrieve my data for free or cheap (i have two leads on that one already).

mix tape i

the Run is in 3 days!!! i'm only spazzing out a little. i haven't done any homework yet this week....why start now?

high energy mix for the Run:
1) Everytime We Touch - Cascada
2) real world - Matchbox Twenty
3) Drain You - Nirvana
4) I Wanna Be Sedated - the Ramones
5) Growing On Me - the Darkness
6) Fight For Your Right - Beastie Boys
7) Woman - Wolfmother
8) I'll Make A Man Out Of You - from "Mulan"
9) Molly's Lips - Nirvana
10) Paint It Black - the Rolling Stones
11) Where's the Love - Hanson (yeah, i said it)
12) Even Flow - Pearl Jam
13) I'm On My Way - the Proclaimers
14) In Your Honor - Foo Fighters
15) sorry to burden you - No Way Josie
16) Festival Song - Good Charlotte
17) Drive My Car - the Beatles
18) Sheep Go to Heaven - Cake
19) Time Warp - from "Rocky Horror Picture Show"
20) i want you - Savage Garden
21) Blister in the Sun - Violent Femmes
22) No Rain - Blind Melon
23) Still Here Waiting - Eve 6

Sonnet 58

if god had laid a plan for us to choose
those traits of others which we would prefer,
it stands to reason we'd have much to lose,
for that decision no one would defer,
and we would over-choose til all were gone.
if i'd remove that trait, and you'd take this,
but not elect another trait to don,
our prey would be worn down til breeze's kiss
could blow whatever's left of her away,
across the land where full folks would meet birth
before their worse selves were forbade to stay,
and soon no rounded person's left on Earth.
so this is why dissatisfaction's best:
if we could fix displeasure, who'd be left?
--11/3/2007

today, by the numbers:

2: episodes of pete & pete i watched this morning
3: times i rode the 59U
7: new pairs of underwear i bought (bottom)
2: closed stores i attempted to visit
2: stores i purchased things at
38.60: dollars i charged
3: dollars i owe another person (not the invisible credit card company)
106.50: dollars currently owed to me
17: dirty dishes in my sink
6: days until Regionals
14: days until the Run
22: days until Avenue Q
26: days until my Deaf Culture portfolio is due
38: days until my semester ends
0: pages of homework i've read/written/thought about so far this weekend