sonnet 50

yes i know it's out of order, but after posting the last one i realized this one had never gone up. the ones in between aren't worth publishing.

---

if once creative impulse chance to die,
what likelihood it has to rise anew?
despite one’s wishes that it be revived,
one’s left with little recourse. what to do?
if one could find a reason to create,
an inspiration by a noble cause,
one might be moved to write, to draw, to make
a piece of anything worth giving pause.
alas! i suffer still from lack of muse!
but wonder at this clue that one’s been found . . .
if but a day of meaning could so move
to bold attempt, i’d best keep you around!
when next to paper you will force my pen,
i’ll owe you much, and tell you such again.

sonnet 53

i debate posting this. i always do. but in the end, the desire to be known or understood always wins.

---

i’ve lost my sense of all things good to know
and sit, awash in affect too sincere;
i cannot blame what’s left of afterglow,
and wish i knew how to allay this fear,
for all i want’s to tell you were i stand
and ask if you’ll consent to join me there,
but it’s already tried and ruined land,
and you have been there with me, i’m aware.
alas, i feel i don’t deserve the chance
to show what once i lost i may have found;
i gave it up, but if your patience grants,
i’ll prove that, though i can’t say it aloud,
i fall slowly, but this is no less true:
i can’t find words for the way i love you.

this belongs somewhere

i think i reached a new level of androgyny today....
as i was waiting to cross the street, a construction worker called me "buddy"

like a journal

today has been almost entirely devoted to a new webcomic (venusenvy.comicgenesis.com), and i've been in my apartment all day except for my research meeting. which got out before three o'clock today for the first time in...weeks....the last two weeks it's run til 4....

sometimes it's important to have days where you sit around and do nothing and take a nap at 5:30.

i also found my ace bandage and used it, which was kind of exciting....until about an hour ago when it started to hurt and i said hm, maybe i should undo that. i kinda wished i'd had somewhere to go. i'm not going out tonight because i don't want to go where people are going, much less pay for it. and apparently my roommates are throwing a party this weekend....

i am discovering new music and meeting people and rediscovering some people i already almost knew. none of it is leading to any great conclusions (except "weight of lies" by the avett brothers pretty well describes my life. "when you run make sure you run to something and not away from, 'cause lies don't need an aeroplane to chase you anywhere").

i'm usually productive on fridays, but i usually wake up early for reasons not my own. we'll see what happens tomorrow. this weekend should prove to be interesting. i will be guitar-less come sunday.

magnetic poetry 4, 5, 6

if a little promise makes dark
beauty falls to green garden
there will never be an eternal spring

---

please say
i can do good for you too

---

my hot winter
always here bad