observations

this february was an especially short month.

2013: already bigger than expected.

reminder:

everything only ever happens very quickly.

2012/2013

opened up the laptop for the first time in months. all of january went by without a blog post. priorities shift.

i haven't written any sort of a reflection on 2012. the beginning of 2013 just held so much.  

2012 was the first year i spent on a calendar year instead of an academic one. the academic year still held sway in my life, but i didn't get three months off work and i had students for the entire month of july. i worked in the same position at the same job from january through december. we moved to a new apartment in august. we adopted a cat in september. changes happened. maybe one of the biggest is that i started to really think of us as "we." 

when we moved into our first apartment together, it was filled with my things and his things. now that we are in our second home, it is filled with our things. it just feels perfectly natural. more things are shared than are not. 

2013 is our year.  we have already made one tremendous journey together--not only to a different part of the country, but through top surgery. i didn't even know it was possible to feel this happy for another person. i feel so blessed to see him recognize himself. i am honored to be the partner he chose to see him through this. i have learned so much through this process already about what it means to be his partner, and we are continuing to learn.

i feel a shift in my life. i like the direction i am moving.

post-christmas

i haven't been writing enough lately. but when am i ever?

christmas 2012 in two words: bacon ham.

C decorating for the holiday was the cutest thing ever. our home is covered in greenery, candles, and sparkly things.

strange to hear people moving about in the apartment

the dining room suddenly became a center for gathering and conversation

wine, godspell, and apples to apples

waking up early enough to see the snow that fell for about an hour...technically a white christmas!

giving a few very well-received gifts...a privilege i appreciate more and more as i get older

the relief of having our home back to myself and my partner...we love my family, especially in small doses. privacy is a blessing. (curious to see how my opinions change as we grow out of the "newlywed" phase)

looking forward to the new year...2013 is going to be big!

moment:

i caught my reflection in a store window this evening looking exactly as i think i should.

that almost never happens.

home[sick]ness

you don't know how much you will miss it until it's gone-
like a bad breakup:
you can't stay, but you're not sure you want to leave.

you will forget just how important it was
that the streetlamps dotting the hills looked like stars in the city glare;
you will remember the crossing lines of bridge cable above your head,
the graffiti under overpasses,
and the grate that made you confront the river.

you would never guess how much your ears seek out a few words,
a twisted sound, a turn of phrase,
the gravelly laugh of a place where they're born with smoke in their lungs. 
 

pre-election thoughts, 2012

i am legitimately anxious about this election. never have i felt so strongly that my entire life depends on the outcome of one day.

i'm sick of watching candidates attack each other on television instead of talking about what they'll do better. the few positive ads get swallowed up in all the negative noise.


i feel every day like my freedom as a woman and a queer person is being threatened, like it is at risk of being taken away. it goes far beyond the usual pro-life-vs-pro-choice argument. not only is my right to decide whether to have an abortion being threatened, but so is my right to decide whether to use birth control--for reproductive or other medical purposes. my freedom to choose who i marry is literally being put up for a vote by my neighbors. my freedom of education is being threatened by politicians who want to reduce student loans and to cut funding to schools. my right to control my own body is being actively threatened by politicians who believe that rape can be an act of God.

Senators and Congressmen, if your God is a god who will rape women so that more children can be conceived, then you should be looking for another god. 

i am disgusted that there are so many Americans who believe they can justify voting for these threats to our rights, freedoms, and basic safety because "the economy's bad." i will not apologize for believing that money should never become more important than living human beings.