catharsis

it's amazing what can become important instead of homework or sleep. i'm going through almost a year's worth of locked text messages, getting ready to get rid of a defective phone. this is what i should have been doing at New Year's.

heterosexism strikes again

alone at the verizon store, upon telling the man who couldn't figure out why my phone doesn't ring that mine is not the main number on the account:

"whose account is it, then? is it your parents' account? your boyfriend's account?"

...am i the only person in the world who notices things like this? or just the only one who thinks making assumptions is foolish?

moment:

it's been a while since i've seen a person and thought with relief, "somebody who looks like me!" thank you, dyke crossing the street in the Rocks.

it's going to be an interesting semester for androgyny (aren't they all?).

new year's resolution:

i want to live in pittsburgh long enough to appreciate driving in the snow here.

...i could probably knock that one out in a coupla weeks.

mix tape ix

K's 2010
the songs that made my year. unapologetically and without explanation.

Disc 1
1) United State of Pop 2009 (Blame It On The Pop) - DJ Earworm
2) You Get What You Give - New Radicals
3) Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
4) Centerfold - J. Geils Band
5) Perfect - Simple Plan
6) Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz ft. Ludacris
7) Dirty Little Secret - All-American Rejects
8) Only The Good Die Young - Billy Joel
9) Magical World - Bassnectar remix, ft. Nelly Furtado
10) Dayvan Cowboy - Boards of Canada
11) Love the Way You Lie - Eminem ft. Rihanna
12) Baba O'Riley - The Who

Disc 2
1) It's Alright - 311
2) Flow - Dub Fx
3) Alejandro - Lady Gaga
4) Let's Get Lost - Bat for Lashes & Beck
5) Dynamite - Taio Cruz
6) Take It Off - Ke$ha
7) Telephone - Lady Gaga ft. Beyonce
8) Over - Drake
9) Origin of Love - Hedwig and the Angry Inch sdtk.
10) Don't Stop Forever - DJ Milk remix, Chris Brown vs. Journey
11) Raise Your Glass - P!nk
12) United State of Pop 2010 (Don't Stop the Pop) - DJ Earworm

brain

i had the dream about being late again.

to be more precise, i had the dream about getting ready forever and never getting where you're going again. then i woke up early and anxious.

i think the frequency with which this happens to me says something unsettling about my mental health.

moment prolonged:

it's amazing what can happen when you tip someone during a drag performance.

moment:

last night, i accidentally wrote what may very likely be the most liberating sentence of my life thus far.

376-E, 4:45 PM

today i paid attention to the far side of the Fort Pitt Tunnel. you round a corner and everyone changes lanes, inevitably wanting to be where someone else inevitably is. there's a gash cut into the mountain, a hole in the side of the hill, a rectangular portal beneath a rectangular frame. the all-consuming hill is covered in trees with no leaves, revealing the tiny house above. to the right, the icicle waterfalls remind the drivers that climate control is a myth, not reality, and nature in all her glory remains.

into the portal. sucked through a wormhole of blinding light, brighter than the setting sun behind us. it extends forever--time has no meaning. will we emerge?

rather than a light at the end of the tunnel, there is yellow, but steel. the frame of the bridge comes into view first, the relief of an outside. beyond, speeding toward us, there is city: buildings and rivers and history and life.