an open letter to someone who will never read it:

i just deleted you from my buddy list.

it feels good almost the way saying goodbye to you last summer felt good--i think the word they use for that is "bittersweet."

i know it will be better this way.

magnetic poetry 8

winter must
which blue light
take up cold flower
of what woman borrow
keep that freedom between her rain


(yeah, it doesn't make sense to me either.)

note:

I HAVE A WORKING COMPUTER!!!!!

happy new year!

note:

expect more regular updates again after the new year. the new hard drive has been ordered, so i'll have a computer at home again.

stream-of-consciousness xii

i feel like i have had any time or energy to do any substantial writing lately....most of the writing i have been able to do has either been for class or writing down the crazy dreams i've been having....there were three nights in a row, then one night of nothing, and i had another weird dream last night but i don't remember what happened....i remember mentioning a piece of it to someone but i can't remember what i said.

dreams are silly.

i don't actually believe that.

i'm always curious about interpretations, but i never feel like i can put too much stock in books or websites or other people....sometimes other people, but it depends on the person and how well they know me....

i keep being pleasantly surprised by the sunset when i turn around

there's a window behind me and i can see outside

flying at night was a cool experience. the moon followed me the whole way. and i swear i saw "hi god" written in the pattern of streetlights in one neighborhood close to baltimore.

still no computer. working on that. not in earnest. if the semester ends and i still have no hard drive, i will begin to work in earnest. because i must have my own computer for next semester. not that next semester will be substantially different from this one as far as courseload, at least i can't imagine it would, but .....it's just a convenience really. i'm learning that i don't actually need my own computer. except for in that way where "need" means "could really really use, and want badly."

the problem with not having time or energy to write is that inevitably, whenever you get the chance, you're so drained that you have nothing to say anyway.

exhaustion

yay for the first (?) staying-up-til-at-least-1-in-the-morning-
the-night-before-the-final-project-is-due.....

i honestly don't think i've done this before. and i kind of don't believe that it's finished. and it's not. i need to go home and play with markers and make it pretty. i must be forgetting something.

realization:

i'm allergic to my past.

how odd!