I submitted my first manuscript to a journal last night! Now we wait. Then revisions. Hopefully I'll get something printed next year. Getting it submitted in 2019 was a big deal.
I gave my last lecture in my first undergraduate class today. It's been a blast. I got a really good group of students my first semester, and I got to teach a topic I'm passionate about. And I fulfilled a lifelong dream and taught as Ms Frizzle on Halloween.
I guess I'm moving right along in this Ph.D thing....
pebble dare
12 December 2019
15 March 2019
Linguistic minority
I take a Discourse Analysis course in the Applied Linguistics department. Most of my classmates are international students, many of whom are studying teaching English as a second language. The computer in the classroom is set to display Chinese in most places that I expect English. Last night, the professor showed a YouTube video, before which an ad played. I saw a character with a Doge head and a three-piece suit, and all of my Chinese classmates started laughing. Everyone else looked confused. I thought about asking someone to explain what was going on, but I decided against it. I sat with the discomfort of being in the linguistic minority, for just a brief moment. My opportunities to experience that are few, and the discomfort is important.
Everyone was laughing, except for me. I didn't get the joke.
There are people who live with this all day long. Imagine if it wasn't just a joke. Imagine if it was class.
May I continue to check my privilege and strengthen my empathy.
Everyone was laughing, except for me. I didn't get the joke.
There are people who live with this all day long. Imagine if it wasn't just a joke. Imagine if it was class.
May I continue to check my privilege and strengthen my empathy.
22 February 2019
second semester, first year
i'm busy. i miss you all. school is good and life continues to happen. change remains the only constant.
31 December 2018
2018 in key dates
January 21: attended second Women's
March
January 23: got on the jumbotron at a
Penguins game
January 28: saw Wicked
January 29: got my official acceptance
letter in the mail
February 5: concussion
February 14: the Parkland shooting
April 4: my cat died
April 17: hurt my thumb
missed six weeks of work on short-term
disability, which included the final weeks of my last school year at
the place I worked for 5 years
April 30: hand surgery (first surgery;
first joint repair)
May 19: officially moved into Co-Lez's
apartment
June 1: Dylan won Mr. Pittsburgh Pride
Drag King!
June 19 (this sounds too early to be true): last appointment with my therapist of five years
June 29: got my Pittsburgh three rivers
tattoo
July: turned 31
July 19: Foo Fighters concert!!!
July 26: last day at my clinical job
July 27: paid off the credit card debt
left over from my four-years-ago marriage
July 28: Alec won Mr. Steel City
Softball back!
August 1: moved to the middle of nowhere
August 22: started Ph.D school!
September: started asking for they/them
pronouns in my new professional setting
September 17: my abusive ex's partner
after me reached out
October 27: the terrible thing happened
in Pittsburgh
October 29: committed to a mitzvah to
forgive a grudge (still working on it)
October 31: officially out of my
abusive relationship for longer than I was in it
November 6: voted a straight-party
Democrat ticket
November 22: cooked my first
Thanksgiving meal
November 27: met Frank Warren from
PostSecret
December 7: finished my first semester
of Ph.D school
December 20ish: found out I got A's!
Labels:
lists,
phd,
pittsburgh,
political,
small town,
survivoring
29 November 2018
Time is a monster, part [X]
yesterday was one year since i found out i had been accepted to my phd program.
how did all of this happen so fast?!
how did all of this happen so fast?!
26 October 2018
Boobs.
this has been buzzing around in my head for a few weeks now,
and i started to think
"maybe it's not prose.
maybe poetry will work"
so let's give it a try, i suppose.
something happened recently that hasn't happened since I was about 15.
I had to buy all new bras because
I gained a cup size.
my modest B turned full-up C.
my 17-year-old self rejoiced,
and my 31-year-old self lamented.
above what this means about changes in my weight
and the steady downward march of my metabolism,
there is a gendered layer.
sometimes, I don't want any there at all.
I meet only fleeting dysphoria,
and I'm not concerned enough to change my body.
sometimes, it's still only right to go tits-out
(Rocky Horror comes to mind;
we are all called home from time to time).
I know I read woman.
if my chest doesn't give me away,
my voice will soon enough,
and my face probably already has.
I only ever pass as femme.
Part of what I have loved about this body
is that it provides such a supportive
structure for androgyny.
slight female.
there's so much room to build on that.
Did I just become
less androgynous?
I wore my binder to work today
for the first time.
No one bats an eyelash at my requests for "they,"
unless it is in shock that I didn't feel safe sooner.
I like to know where I am first.
and i started to think
"maybe it's not prose.
maybe poetry will work"
so let's give it a try, i suppose.
something happened recently that hasn't happened since I was about 15.
I had to buy all new bras because
I gained a cup size.
my modest B turned full-up C.
my 17-year-old self rejoiced,
and my 31-year-old self lamented.
above what this means about changes in my weight
and the steady downward march of my metabolism,
there is a gendered layer.
sometimes, I don't want any there at all.
I meet only fleeting dysphoria,
and I'm not concerned enough to change my body.
sometimes, it's still only right to go tits-out
(Rocky Horror comes to mind;
we are all called home from time to time).
I know I read woman.
if my chest doesn't give me away,
my voice will soon enough,
and my face probably already has.
I only ever pass as femme.
Part of what I have loved about this body
is that it provides such a supportive
structure for androgyny.
slight female.
there's so much room to build on that.
Did I just become
less androgynous?
I wore my binder to work today
for the first time.
No one bats an eyelash at my requests for "they,"
unless it is in shock that I didn't feel safe sooner.
I like to know where I am first.
18 September 2018
praying
His partner after me reached out to me last night.
We had a few exchanges that ended after
I told them, "Trust yourself."
I hope it was what they needed to hear.
The whole time,
I remembered sitting on the floor
in the spare bedroom, back against the door,
listening to him scream on the other side
and waiting for him to give up,
texting one, two, three people
trying to make sure that I was sane and this was wrong.
That was the day I finally realized,
I deserve better.
It still took me three days to leave.
You got this.
You deserve better.
You know exactly what's happening.
Trust yourself.
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